Showing posts from 2011

The Autumn Follies

Here’s the basic way it went:  I was out of town for a couple of weeks in Colorado (a story for another day there, but it was a fun trip). While I was gone, my Bride decided to surprise me by having the Autumn leaves removed from the front yard so that I wouldn’t have to rake and bag them this year—Truth is, we have almost an acre of the woods here in the Mill Creek area of Youngstown, and I routinely produce a couple of hundred yard bags of leaves every Autumn.  I really don’t mind, and it’s fun when we do it together, but still, it’s a chore. We’ve tried hiring this job done, or partially done, in the past—never quite to my satisfaction though.  Too expensive, and the companies and individuals who have done the job in the past have complained about it while doing it.  I recall offering one young man some water while he was picking up the leaves, and he declined, asking if we didn’t have any soda or tea instead.  Had a full grown man with manly equipment once who bitched incessa

Occupy This

From what I’ve seen, even the spokes-beings for the occupy movement (is it really a movement?) are unwashed, unshaven, and from all appearances unemployed.   I have no idea what they’re occupying for or against.   They don’t seem to know either.   They block access to public facilities as if it is their right to do so.   I guess crapping wherever they want is also their right. I’m pretty certain that the violence is part of the deal.   I don’t really care that the aforementioned spokes-beings say that the violence isn’t their fault (I’ve heard them say that it’s the police who are responsible, or fringe groups who are out of control—whatever) but it most assuredly is their responsibility. As long as their anti-social and assaultive violent behavior is focused against one another, it would be hard for me to care less about it, but now they’re managed to hospitalize a Denver Police Officer and a Colorado State Trooper. Enough. Regarding the occupiers needs, wants, demands

Travel Light

I’m headed off on an adventure on the third of November.   But, I’m an adventuresome sort.  I’ll be headed to Colorado to visit my daughter Helen, her husband Geoff, and their four girls for a couple of weeks. It’s the slow season at the driving school, and this time of year works out well.  I’ll be home for Thanksgiving, but I needed to vote absentee because I’ll be gone on Election Day.  And, here in Ohio, I needed to cast my vote for Issue 2.  As an elected member of the Mahoning County Central Republican Committee, I can do no less.  I’ll also be gone on Veteran’s Day, so I’ll watch war movies with my daughter. I’m certain that I’ll have a grand time. Why is it an adventure, you ask?  I don’t care much for flying.  Trains are too expensive.  So, I’ll take the Greyhound, and leave the driving to them.  I did this last year too.  On all of those Internet Bitch Boards, people hammer Greyhound bus service, but I thought it was fun—Except for the part where we were snowed

A Bonus

Just so there's no misunderstanding in the future--If you tailgate me, I'll slow down.  To a crawl, if necessary.  I don't do this to irritate you.....I consider that a bonus.

My Old Ford

I bought a nearly new 1995 Ford Explorer in 1995.   It’s been the most reliable, dependable car I’ve ever owned.   Never gave me any cause to curse it.   Bought it at Hansel Ford in Santa Rosa, California. All I ever did to it was have the oil changed regularly, and gas it up on occasion.   It’s got 180,000 miles on it and has taken me from the mountains to the desert, from California to Ohio, and so very many stops in between. It’s been running a little rough of late, and the A/C is on the fritz, so I took it into a shop and found out (the details of the troubles are somewhat beyond me) that it’s finished.   It’ll cost at least $2000.00 to get it back into shape, and it’s just not worth that much.   Even with the new tires I had put on it last year. I guess getting 16 good trouble-free years out of a car is more than you can really expect, but I was beginning to think it would out last me.   I don’t think I’ll ever get another car/truck/SUV/crossover/whatever that will be

No Wonder

I try to keep up.  So I read that Moonbeam Brown, the once and current Guv'ner of California, has been busy signing bills into law.  Always good for a comment or two. Two of the bills that are now California law run something like this, and they were signed by Moonbeam on the same day: 1)  Children as young as 12 can now be prescribed certain STD medicines without parental consent, and, 2)  Children under the age of 18 are now prohibited from tanning in tanning beds. Just so I have the concept straight, here's the apparent bottom line--If your 12 year old daughter is screwing everything that walks on two feet and shaves, it's none of your business, but if your 17 year old daughter wants to get tanned in a booth in preparation for the  Senior Prom, the State of California will step in, act as a protective parent, and prohibit it. As Ricky said to Lucy....."You gots some 'splaining to do". No wonder I fled California like a scalded cat.

Fall Is Upon Us

Overnight--literally--the Autumn colors have arrived.  Beautiful time of year here. Even in the Fall, the white cat does not change color. Like the sign says, Welcome. From our front porch. The house, from the street. Our entrance to Mill Creek Park--The dead end of Ottawa Drive. Our gazebo in the front yard.

If I owned the Colorado Rockies………………

If I owned that mile high franchise, the uniforms would have flying squirrels on the chest. There would be “Where Is Moose?” day instead of free refrigerator magnet day. Every time a home run was hit, the big TV screen would show Dudley Do-Right galloping across the screen backwards. We’d have a grand time with Fractured Fairy Tale Night at the ballpark. Everyone would come for a trip down memory lane in the Way Back Machine. The team mascot would be accompanied on occasion by Boris and Natasha.  And Mister Big. Relief pitchers would warm up in the Bullwinkle Pen. Everyone would tune in next time for Game 38, or, “How We Blew a 9 Run Lead in the 7 th Inning”. Uniform numbers would always include a fraction.  The umpire would always be called Snidely Whiplash.

Been There

I’ve been thinking that I really ought to write something about the idiot protesters that form Occupy Wall Street, and all their progeny, including those morons who decided to occupy the DC Air & Space Museum because it had an exhibit of a Drone (let’s have a museum, but let’s change what’s in it to suit our “vision” of what the world ought to be like)—sort of like editing Bogart movies to remove the cigarettes because they’re so, um, icky. But I lived through the 60s as a military policeman, and the 70s as a civilian policeman, so I changed my mind.    Since I’ve been there and done that.

Unclear on the Concept, a Clear Winner

I’m not certain that everything isn’t going to fall apart.   In the sense that we’ll have to fend for ourselves for some period of time.   You know what I mean.   Don’t you? Anyhow, I’m on and added to my basket a copy of “When All Hell Breaks Loose: Stuff You Need To Survive When Disaster Strikes”.   Don’t laugh.   It’s the Boy Scout in me. So I add the book.   Then I notice that it’s also available in a Kindle Edition.  

Hank Williams

I’ve never been much of a Hank Williams Jr. fan.   Sure, he had a couple of tunes that gave me happy feet, but that was about it.   Don’t get me wrong—I have no grief with his music, and I like lots of Country & Western—just not a big Hank fan, OK? Not that much into the current NFL either.   There was a time, but for me, that time is past.   The last time I actually looked forward to and watched a Monday Night Football game, it was still on ABC.   Actually, I don’t watch much ABC anymore either.   Not that I’ve got anything against ABC either…..The last time I actually remember tuning in to a Monday Night Football game, the hosts were Howard Cosell, Frank Gifford, and Dandy Don.   Now THAT was a broadcast team. What brings up this remembrance is this:   ESPN now runs (or owns—whatever) Monday Night Football.   Hank Williams has the signature tune for Monday Night Football—you know the one.   It contains the phrase “Are you ready for some football?!!”.   Yep, that one


I love watching the local news at Noon here in Youngstown, Ohio.  Always good for current events and weather.  Also, always good for a laugh. Seems that this Sunday kicks off  Stop The Violence Week, sponsored by a host of community groups and Youngstown State University.  They're having a parade. I suppose there will be speechification and oration too.  Hardly could be a community event without it. Followed by a fist-fight and a stabbing.  ONLY KIDDING!! At the risk of repeating myself here, there's nothing wrong in Youngstown that can't be fixed quickly and permanently by a liberal dose of incarceration.  A parade simply won't do it.

How To

While I’ve written about the “How To” section of the MyGoogle Internet start page in the past, today’s offerings require a minor league comment— Here’s the three offered this morning, in order: 1)       Happy 40 th Anniversary Greenpeace!   How to get involved with Greenpeace 2)       9 (Yes, 9) Ways to Peel a Banana 3)       How to Give Your Dog Eye Drops And now, my immediate responses, in order: 1)       4 decades of word-smithing.   How time flies. 2)       A boon for the newlyweds.       3)   WHA!?!

Killing The Blues

When Robert B. Parker unexpectedly died at his desk in January 2010, I thought my days of reading about the Chief of Police of Paradise, Massachusetts, Jesse Stone, were gone. I was wrong. His long-time collaborator Michael Brandman is continuing the story.  I bought the latest installment, Killing The Blues, and read it today.  In one sitting.  That's how it usually happens with Jesse Stone and me.  I don't read the stories as much as inhale them. Thanks for the breath, Mr. Brandman.  I'm in your debt.

eu·re·ka [yoo-ree-kuh]

I try to keep up.   I really do.   I’ve been watching some programs on the channel previously known as SciFi and enjoying the crap out of them—Eureka, Warehouse 13, and Haven.   All three were far and away too good for the train wreck that SyFy has become, or maybe always was. So I Google around a little and find that Eureka has been cancelled—we have a season “in the can”, but then it’s over.   Warehouse 13 and Haven can’t be far behind, I fear. The reason given by the brain trust at SyFy is that it’s just plain too expensive.   OK.   Fine.   They have to pay writers and actors and creative types.   Very costly. I wish…..I wish…..I wish…..I wish that I had been present when the decision was made to cancel Eureka—Had to go something like this: “Eureka’s a great piece of programming and it has a massive and dedicated audience, but, well, we can probably sell just as much advertising on another installment of Battlestar Galactica, something to do with ghosts, or Ras

Canfield Fair Wrap-Up

Our 5 day fair has run its course.  There was heat and humidity that melted ice cream, shoe polish, and families, as well as thunderstorms that made mud pits out of the parking lots. There was harness racing and farm competitions and baked goods and country concerts and the list just goes on.  A grand time was had by all.  But mostly, for my money, there was the Pumpkin Building--the home of the largest squash at the fair . There was the sort of sunset that you can only find in North East Ohio.  Mahoning County, Ohio, is the home of Youngstown, and all of it's "Rust Belt" baggage, but Mahoning County is, to the largest degree, farm land.  You know, the corn is as high as an elephant's eye, and all that. The Largest Squash Sunset At The Fair The Pumpkin Building A Tower of Squash   We Have Our Priorities The Beauty Queen (And A Squash) Welcome A Row of Squash Checking the list of the Grand Champion Squash w

North East Ohio

The Canfield Fair is wrapping up today, but there’s a few things that really need to be explained about the fair—I took some pictures to illustrate this point:  Some things that seem, well, “funny” in other parts of the country are quite normal here.  I give you Beaver Drive, and at the end of it, at the grandstands, the Canfield Cock. We also play a bean-bag game here called “Cornhole”, but that’s a story for another day. Beaver Drive Grandstand Entrance

Just Wait

Last year at this time, I was excited--giddy, in fact--at the prospect of the Giants going to the post season.  Had no idea, of course, that they might actually win the World Series, but giddy nonetheless. This year, I just want it to end.  They’ve lost so many players (starting with Buster Posey to that assault perpetrated by Scott Cousins) either for the season or substantial parts of the season to injury that it’s amazing that they’re not in last place.  If they don’t start to win a couple of games, though, they might actually be overtaken by the God forsaken Dodgers—Who, in a side note, look to be in the process of being bought by Chinese interests.  Christ. So, the Giants need to end this year’s charade and let some minor leaguers take over for these last three weeks of being the defending World Series Champs.  The eternal cry of the fans of the San Francisco Giants--Wait 'Til Next Year!!

The Canfield Fair

This is the weekend for the Canfield Fair in, well, Canfield, Ohio.  It's a pretty big deal in these parts.  We attend ever year.  There's a place to milk a cow, in the event that you've never done that sort of thing before, and we have an entire barn devoted to squash.  No, really. The website for the Canfield Fair is .  As if you didn't know. Glenda Milks A Cow Our Tent At The Fair Did I mention that I'm an elected member of the Mahoning County Republican Central Committee?  No?  I thought I had.  Sorry .  

Burma Shave

He lit a match To check gas tank That's why They call him Skinless frank Burma-Shave 

Anti Obama Bumper Sticker Site

And, it's worth taking a look at

Burma Shave

The monkey took One look at Jim And threw the peanuts Back at him He needed Burma-Shave      

Political Science, Chapter 3

What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.

Tax Freedom Day

Tax Freedom Day ( is the day when the average American has earned enough money to pay his federal, state, and local obligations for the year.  This year, 2011, that date was April 12th, the 102d day of the year.

Political Science, Chapter 2

To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. Margaret Thatcher 

Political Science, Chapter 1

The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.

Ambulance Chasers

We thought TV was going to hell back in the 60’s and 70’s—HeeHaw, Room 222, Gilligan’s Island, the Brady Bunch, Hullabaloo—and all the rest.  We were wrong.  Those were the Good Ol’ Days with quality programming and commercials that made sense—Buy some smokes and liquor.  Those ads have been replaced by ambulance chasing lawyers and prescription drugs.  Frankly, I preferred the smokes and liquor. Then there’s the actual programming.  Back in those Good Ol’ days, we had channels with numbers.  Like this:  Channel 2, Channel 3, Channel 4, and so on.  Now we have channels with names.  Like this:  MTV (Music Television), History, Video Hits, Arts & Entertainment…..You get the picture.  My guess here is that when these channels were named, the name of the channel was supposed to have something to do with the actual programming.  But that’s only a guess.  Because, here’s what I found available on my cable TV channels at noon, on Thursday, 8-25-2011: -MTV was showing an episode of Jerse

Food Stamp Fraud

I read that the federal government is mortified to find out that food stamp recipients are buying bottled water with their food stamp benefits, then pouring out the water and returning the empties for cash in those states where the empties are worth something.  The government plans to enact a new rule prohibiting the practice, then assign professional investigators to look into how to address this problem. I get so tired of having to point out the obvious (actually, my step-son Cale has referred to me on occasion, as, ahem, Captain Obvious), but someone must take this proverbial bull by his horns.  Why are food stamp recipients allowed to purchase BOTTLED WATER with their benefits?  This is money that comes out of my personal pocket.  I drink tap water because bottled water is a waste of money.  Welfare recipients can do the same. Problem solved. You’re welcome.

Earthquake Run Down

I may or may not have mentioned that I lived the lion's share of my life in California.  You know, beaches, mountains, the Governator, Hollywood, Disneyland, earthquakes.  I've been pretty close to a number of earthquakes.  The first one that I recall really well occurred when I was in the 7th grade at Healdsburg Junior High.  I was on the second floor in math class.  Our desks were hooked together in groups of three or four by means of rails on the bottom.  I sat at the beginning of one of the railed together groups, and at the rear end of my group was Ralph Pavoni, a notorious prankster whose father was the Fire Chief.  Not that that has anything to do with what occurred, but, well, he WAS the Fire Chief's kid..... There I was, working my 7th grade algebra when my desk started wobbling back and forth wildly--I immediately turned about and shot a look at Ralph, figuring that he was responsible for the long dark pencil mark that was made across my paper at the moment of t

the SmugMobile

When you drive a "green" car, you're entitled to park wherever you like.  It's in your contract from Toyota. Very Smug

The Mayans

Dear World-- Stop freaking out about 2012.  Our calendars end there because some Spanish dirtbags invaded our country and we got a little busy, OK? Sincerely, The Mayans


Dear Noah-- We could have sworn you said the Ark wasn't leaving until 5. Sincerely, The Unicorns

Hotmail and MSN

I have a Hotmail account.  I've had it for a very long time--since before Microsoft amoeba'd Hotmail.  I don't use it for very much, but I stop by once in a while to empty my in-box and clean things up.  When I exit my Hotmail account, I am automatically taken to an MSN site with, oh, celebrity junk and other stuff.  A genuine crap-fest of idiocy that I usually pass on.  Today I took a look at a feature they had called "Did They Forgive", a total of 17 wrongs in need of righting, in honor of, and I can just barely spit this one out--International Forgiveness Day.  So I breezed through them, and here's the brief run-down: -Number one was, of course, the ever newsworthy Brad Pitt/Jennifer Aniston thingie. -There was one terrorist attack in need of forgiveness. -One was a little girl who was bitten by a shark. Then it gets interesting..... -There were 4 instances of black people needing forgiveness from other blacks. -5 on blacks in need of forgiveness fr

Spot The Cat

Spot The Cat entered my life from the Sonoma County California Humane Society on January 12th, 1999. She was my buddy and my companion through every move I made.  She moved with me from house to house in Santa Rosa, California, and on to Bakersfield, California.  Later to Youngstown, Ohio. For the past year or so, her eyesight has been failing and she had been getting frail.  She chose to live in the basement where I made a daily visit to clean her litter box, open a can of food for her, change her water dish, and give her a pat on the head and a scratch on the back.  She was always ever so polite, mewing a gentle greeting every morning. This morning, there was no greeting, and the litter box was unused.  Her food dish was not touched. I found her lifeless body in a corner of the basement, curled up, asleep for eternity.  She was a good cat. I have other cats, but here will never be another Spot The Cat. Spot The Cat

I Dreamed I Was Dog The Bounty Hunter In My Mullet Wig

Oh, For Christ's Sake--I Did Not

I Dreamed I Won The Regatta In My Clubmasters



My wife suffers from itchy scalp.   And flakieness—no, not that kind…..the kind that a good dandruff shampoo will cure.   So the doctor recommended Nizoral shampoo.   Thanks, Doc.   I’ll bop on down to the apothecary and pick a little bit of this stuff up.   But, when I arrived at the pharmacy, the place for Nizoral was empty.   There was a tag indicating where the product ought to be, but no product.   Sort of pricy for a dandruff shampoo (10 bucks or so for a small bottle), but, if it works, you know…….. So I asked a question of my local pharmacist—“Got any Nizoral in the back?” Nope.   Haven’t been able to get it delivered for weeks now.   So I went to another pharmacy.   Same Story.   And another.   And another. Came on home, and checked on line—I use, and checked there first—nope, out of stock.   Checked, and there were some bottles of 4 and 7 ounces for sale for, oh, 25 or 35 bucks, plus shipping, and the added discomfort of buying a medicated product fr

Bring Back Some Sanity

I know that styles, and popular music, run in cycles, but..... Has everybody just about had enough of the shaved head/goatee/tattoos look? I'd welcome a return of the 70s and 80s big hair at this point.

The All-American Dog


The Reason

Every time a baseball player grabs his crotch, it makes him spit. That's why you should never date a baseball player.


What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them? 

This Can Work

I'm convinced that there's no societal problem that we cannot incarcerate our way out of.  Lets just take whatever money we're spending on “programs” for our inner city youth and use those funds to build some prisons. Many cities, towns and villages have been overtaken by a gangster mentality.  This would, of course, include my town, Youngstown, Ohio.  People who shoplift from retail stores openly and teach their children to do the same.  It's a lawlessness that can no longer be tolerated by polite society. I'm talking about what we might call quality of life issues here—you know, hat on sideways, pants on the ground, hookers openly plying their trades, XXX movie theaters in neighborhoods, drug dealers in parking lots, and other bad behaviors.  We'll have to have the will to do this—In times past, society built stocks in the public square and put their miscreants in them to be held to public ridicule.  While that might still work, what I'm talking about i

Alphas Revisited

Here's my little run-down on the new SyFy smash hit (!), Alphas: But first, these few words—No entity less than SyFy itself has called Alphas a New Smash Hit.   The same verbiage they've bestowed in the past for such dreck as Stargate Universe and Ghost Hunters International.   Not saying that Alphas is in that strata, but SyFy’s self-aggrandizement must be taken not quite literally. And now, back to the meat of the matter: SyFy seems to have “borrowed” ideas and attitudes from the Fantastic 4, the Power Rangers, CSI, The Man From Uncle, Mission Impossible, the Jedi Knights, the X-Files, Kolchak the Night Stalker, and the Mod Squad.   Not a bad group to borrow from.   Grasshopper, you have chosen wisely. Diversity’s not an issue here—we have a strong black man, an undefined ethnic female, a white guy stud with a possible checkered background, an autistic (or at least OCD) boy, and a bearded professorial white guy in charge.   Maybe they can work in an Asian and some gay, le

Is It Just Me?

Am I the only one who sees Geraldo Rivera as a pompous jerk?

Consider This

One American Dollar is less valuable than one Australian Dollar. By almost 10 %.

All The News That's Fit To Print

I've been trying to watch the news lately.   I usually go to Fox News first, then, if necessary, check in on CNN and then, once in a great while, see what the whiners at MSNBC are up to.   Like I said, I've been trying to get some news. But just haven't managed to get any. The three news organizations I mentioned have been showing pretty much non-stop coverage of some Parliament hearings in the UK regarding some unscrupulous actions on the part of news gatherers.   Quite the uproar.   Parliamentary hearings.   Harrumph and Oh, My!! The best that I can make out based on very brief viewing is that some folks employed in the business of “scooping” the competition used underhanded, ill-mannered, and possibly immoral and illegal tactics to get news stories published before their competitors managed to do the same. Well, spit.   Who would have thought that reporters would lie, cheat, and use awful tactics?   This isn't news.   If you think it is, or if you're shocked

The Knave of Knives

Anyone who gets nutted up over the very mention of Wal Mart or Sam’s Club need read this entry no further.  I’m a fan.  On the other hand, if you just need a little therapy to get through the double glass doors and be greeted by a local senior citizen who otherwise wouldn't have a job, then read on. Every time I find that I have need for a 55 gallon drum of mayo, or the handy 12 and a half pound pack of hot dogs, where do I go?  Sam’s Club, of course.  In Boardman, Ohio.  It's also where I buy gasoline most of the time. The last few times that I've gone to Sam’s Club, though, there's been a droning amplified voice coming from somewhere between the produce and the beer.  I looked in it's direction in the past but elected to ignore what couldn’t possibly be true.  Last time in, I took a good hard look.  And here's the horror that I found:  A County Fair style pitch man with a head set and amplifier to enhance his voice selling knives. I shit you not. I couldn&

Maybelline, Or Was It Cover Girl?

I catch my Giants baseball games on  Pretty good deal for a displaced fan such as myself--if it weren't for the Internet, I'd have to keep up with the Giants by buying a newspaper--How 20th Century. Sometimes I watch the games and sometimes I just listen to them by listening to the radio broadcast--I've always considered that baseball is more of a radio game than a television game anyhow.  My favorite baseball calls from the past are--of course--radio calls.  My favorite Giants broadcasters have been the radio crews too.   Not the current Giants TV crew isn't outstanding........ Between innings, regardless of whether it's the radio broadcast or the television version, inserts their own commercials rather than the ones you'd hear or see were you on the home turf.  It's OK by me, except for this one thing.....They seem to have a great number of cosmetic ads. Do they know something about their target audience that I don't?


I’ve   got this idea for a TV series—I tell ya’, it can’t miss—gonna be a smash.   A pair of undercover agents (Wolf Muldoon and “Drano” Skullduggery) are assigned to investigate the strange happenings in a South Sea island jungle.   It’ll be called….. …..Wait for it….. The Manila Files

The Investigative Findings

Last year, Time Warner Cable started offering "on demand" programming--in other words, if I miss one of my MOST favorite shows (like Eureka, Haven, or Warehouse 13 on SyFy), I could go to the on demand channel and watch it later.  How cool is that?  But, it got better.  The commercials were bunched up in one or two commercial breaks, and they weren't very long.  So, I could fast-forward through the ads, or I could watch them--either way, I got to see my one hour program in about 40 or 45 minutes.  Nirvana. I actually chose to watch them on demand rather than when they were first run, just to conserve time.  Oh, and not get too irritated with the massive commercial breaks.  Look.....I understand the concept of commercial TV.  I really do.  The programming is secondary, and only needs to be good enough to keep the audience in their chairs to watch the next batch of ads.  I really understand.  Not only that, I agree with the concept--it's a bargain struck between m

All I Got

All I have today is a bunch of good baseball news, and here it is, point by point: -The Giants continue to win, one way or the other, and remain in first place in their division -The Indians continue to win, one way or the other, and remain in first place in their division -The Pirates, bless their hearts, are tied for their division lead -The Marlins are dead last in their division -And, saving the best for last, Scott Cousins is still on the disabled list and is no longer on the Marlin's active roster.  Whatever it is that placed him on the DL, I hope it's painful and permanent.

Gee Whiz, Washington Style

Saw President Obama on the TeeVee last night threatening that social security checks might be delayed or withheld in August if he doesn't get the debt-ceiling raise deal that he wants.   Fargin’ cry baby, fear-mongering, over-educated ass-hole. Man will I be glad when his days as president are done. Ass Hole.

Burma Shave

These signs We gladly Dedicate To men who've had No date of late Burma-Shave

Old Guys

The concept of these shortened seasons of TV programming started me thinking—always a dangerous proposition. The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriett, I Love Lucy, Bonanza, The X-Files—These iconic TV series’ became American experiences because, well, they were popular, but more than that, they were ALWAYS on.   They ran from September through June—then, during the summer months, there were re-runs of some of the episodes until the new season started the following September. You could depend on Ozzie bumbling his way through his life in your living room a half hour every week.   It was a given.   He and his family became part of your life. That just can't happen now, if a season of TV programming lasts only from July to September. Do all old guys wish that things were like they used to be?


I've never been much of a "question authority" sort, but that's probably changing now....As James Lileks said, dissent is still the highest form of patriotism, but now it will be practiced by the lowest form of people . At the end of the movie "Animal House" we see John Belushi in a pirate costume, driving away in a stolen convertible with a kidnapped cheerleader and, as the scene freezes, the caption "Senator and Mrs. Bluto Blutarsky, Washington D.C." appears, and we all laughed and laughed.............And then there was Senator Al Franken of Minnesota.  Why am I not laughing?

Bad Law

Bad law results when tragic circumstances cause legislators and citizens to make knee-jerk changes in the law when feelings are still raw. Megan Kanka was killed by a neighborhood sex offender in New Jersey. Tragic.  We now have "Megan's Law" everywhere, creating public sex registries.  Are our children safer in the aftermath of this law? Everything I read indicates otherwise. Maggie's Law is a New Jersey statute passed in the wake of the 1997 traffic fatality of Maggie McDonnell due to a sleep-deprived driver.  Results?  It's now a 10 year felony to drive drowsy in New Jersey. California's three strike law was passed in the panic filled days after Polly Klass's murder.  Another tragic crime. Is California safer from violent criminals now that prior to the passage of this ill-thought out law, or is California just incarcerating massive numbers of non-violent felons? Everything I've read indicates the latter. In the aftermath of the recent trage

Baseball All-Stars

Baseball All-Stars should never be chosen by popular ballot like they now are. They should be chosen by their peers and opposing coaches and managers. Want a single reason why?  OK, since you ask. The San Francisco Giants won the World Series last year.  This year they're in first place in their division, and, oh by the way, are the defending World Series Champions. They have zero starting position players on the All-Star Team.  Same as last year. End this madness.  End the popular vote for starting All-Stars.

Television Drivel

I miss the best of some TV programs that either ran their natural course, or out-lived their cuteness.   For example:   That 70’s Show—Very fun and worthwhile until the Eric character left.   After that, well….they just should have let it go.   But it was really fun up until that point. Happy Days.   And it’s spawn, Joanie Loves Chachi.   Ick.   The only story line that wasn’t driven into the ground on Happy Days was having Fonzie learn the pan flute from Zamfir and regaling the rest of the cast with whatever it is that passes for pan flute music.   Lastly, when Happy Days moved from the 50s to the 80s…….However, the first few years were a real hoot. M.A.S.H.   Great book, and a really funny movie.   Good enough as a TV show until Trapper John went on to bigger and better things and was replaced by BJ Hunnicutt.   That would be at about the same time that Alan Alda got a social conscience and went overboard with political awareness and anti-war sentiment, or something.   Horrible.

Burma Shave

Altho insured Remember, kiddo They don't pay you They pay Your widow Burma-Shave

Dear MLB TV.............

I'm sure that there's some sort of contract that requires you to keep Mitch "Wild Thing" Williams on your network.  I was just thinking that there might be a clause in that contract that would allow you to rid yourselves (and me, by extension) of this guy due to moronic statements. At least maybe you could require him to 1) Wear sunglasses so that we viewers won't have to actually look at those crazy eyes, and 2) Shave. If you have a Spanish language affiliate, maybe you could assign him there. He won't speak Spanish, no one will be able to know what lunacy he's spouting and everybody wins.

Jim Young, N.Q.A.F.

The current South Florida murder case has finally resolved.   For those who’ve been living under rocks, or in San Francisco, a jury of her peers has acquitted Casey Anthony.   I didn’t pay much attention and don’t know much about the case, but like navels, everybody’s got an opinion, no? Remembering all the while, that acquittal does not equal innocent.   Our national media seems to think there’s an equals signs there, but they’re wrong.   Just ask O.J. Which brings me to a thought that crosses my mind with some frequency.   There needs to be some changes in our criminal justice system.   You know, make it fair for the folks as well as the crook.   Ya’ know—just spreadin’ around some fairness.   Nothing wrong with that, is there? Here’s the proposal:   No more of selecting criminal juries from a pool of licensed drivers and others too frail or incompetent to get out of jury duty.   For civil juries, this method works fine, but not in criminal cases.   Replace this moronic system wit

The Greater Good

Jury selection has begun for the perjury trial of Roger Clemons for his alleged perjurous statements to some congressional panel.   About use of steroids. There is just so much wrong here.   I can hardly choose a way to go. How about this—What is congress doing imposing it’s will on baseball to begin with?  Or—Since when should lying to a politician be criminal in the first place?   What about this—Shouldn’t the criminal justice system be used for some greater good?   Describe for me the greater good gained by this prosecution. Please.   I want to believe in our system, but this is absurd.


SyFy is a television station.   It used to be called SciFi, and the programming was substantially old SciFi, like the name said.   It was great, I tell you. Then they started filling up programming slots with Professional Wrestling and just plain awful original movies.   And brother I mean awful. Rip-offs so blatant that it embarrassed me just to read the title.   Names like Night of the Living Karaoke and Attack of the 50-Foot Yentl. Next thing you know they started original programming.   Some good, and some not.   In the good column you get Eureka, in the bad you get all of those Ghost Hunter things. Fine. I’m still at a loss as to the reasons behind changing SciFi to SyFy as the brand name of the TV station—I imagine so the name of the station could be copyrighted, but that’s really just a guess. So, now that we’re into July of 2011, SyFy is beginning new seasons of three of their originals that I really like—Eureka, Warehouse 13, and Haven.   From what I’ve read, here’s some

Long May She Wave


Big Words

On Sportscenter this morning, I saw Chipper Jones (of the Atlanta Braves) openly criticizing a home plate umpire for calling him out on a pitch that was clearly outside.  OK, I get it Chipper.  You was robbed. However, this would be the same pitch that was called a strike by ALL the umpires in the early 90s in favor of the Braves, when thrown by the trio of Glavin/Maddux/Smoltz, carrying your Braves to the World Series. In other words, Chipper, quit it. It's disingenuous.


If I live to be 200, I'll never figure out why Cutthroat Island tanked at the box office as badly as it did. Never

Mock, Mock, Mock

Today the Independent Film Channel is mocking me by showing a moron-o-thon of Arrested Development. Arrrrrrrgh.

Crazy Is As Crazy Does

-A bag of nuts -A brick sort of a load -Crazy as a bedbug -5150 -Both oars are not in the water -Nutty as a fruitcake -Charlie Sheen I forgive Charlie Sheen every nutty idea that flits across his mind.  Every bizarre idea he's ever had or will have.  His intoxicated sprees.  I forgive Charlie everything. He's entertaining and funny and he makes me laugh.  That's his job.  So, I forgive him his excesses.  Even if you don't like Two and a Half Men, there's Men at Work and Terminal Velocity. Keep after it Charlie.  We love you, man.