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Showing posts from July, 2011

I Dreamed I Was Dog The Bounty Hunter In My Mullet Wig

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I Dreamed I Won The Regatta In My Clubmasters

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Nizoral

My wife suffers from itchy scalp.And flakieness—no, not that kind…..the kind that a good dandruff shampoo will cure.
So the doctor recommended Nizoral shampoo.Thanks, Doc.I’ll bop on down to the apothecary and pick a little bit of this stuff up.But, when I arrived at the pharmacy, the place for Nizoral was empty.There was a tag indicating where the product ought to be, but no product.Sort of pricy for a dandruff shampoo (10 bucks or so for a small bottle), but, if it works, you know……..
So I asked a question of my local pharmacist—“Got any Nizoral in the back?” Nope.Haven’t been able to get it delivered for weeks now.So I went to another pharmacy.Same Story.And another.And another.
Came on home, and checked on line—I use drugstore.com, and checked there first—nope, out of stock.Checked ebay.com, and there were some bottles of 4 and 7 ounces for sale for, oh, 25 or 35 bucks, plus shipping, and the added discomfort of buying a medicated product from an amateur.Found a European seller who w…

Bring Back Some Sanity

I know that styles, and popular music, run in cycles, but.....

Has everybody just about had enough of the shaved head/goatee/tattoos look?

I'd welcome a return of the 70s and 80s big hair at this point.

The All-American Dog

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The Reason

Every time a baseball player grabs his crotch, it makes him spit. That's
why you should never date a baseball player.

?

What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?

This Can Work

I'm convinced that there's no societal problem that we cannot incarcerate our way out of.  Lets just take whatever money we're spending on “programs” for our inner city youth and use those funds to build some prisons.
Many cities, towns and villages have been overtaken by a gangster mentality.  This would, of course, include my town, Youngstown, Ohio.  People who shoplift from retail stores openly and teach their children to do the same.  It's a lawlessness that can no longer be tolerated by polite society.
I'm talking about what we might call quality of life issues here—you know, hat on sideways, pants on the ground, hookers openly plying their trades, XXX movie theaters in neighborhoods, drug dealers in parking lots, and other bad behaviors. 
We'll have to have the will to do this—In times past, society built stocks in the public square and put their miscreants in them to be held to public ridicule.  While that might still work, what I'm talking about is lo…

Alphas Revisited

Here's my little run-down on the new SyFy smash hit (!), Alphas:
But first, these few words—No entity less than SyFy itself has called Alphas a New Smash Hit.The same verbiage they've bestowed in the past for such dreck as Stargate Universe and Ghost Hunters International.Not saying that Alphas is in that strata, but SyFy’s self-aggrandizement must be taken not quite literally.
And now, back to the meat of the matter:
SyFy seems to have “borrowed” ideas and attitudes from the Fantastic 4, the Power Rangers, CSI, The Man From Uncle, Mission Impossible, the Jedi Knights, the X-Files, Kolchak the Night Stalker, and the Mod Squad.Not a bad group to borrow from.Grasshopper, you have chosen wisely.
Diversity’s not an issue here—we have a strong black man, an undefined ethnic female, a white guy stud with a possible checkered background, an autistic (or at least OCD) boy, and a bearded professorial white guy in charge.Maybe they can work in an Asian and some gay, lesbian, and trans gende…

Is It Just Me?

Am I the only one who sees Geraldo Rivera as a pompous jerk?

Consider This

One American Dollar is less valuable than one Australian Dollar.

By almost 10 %.

All The News That's Fit To Print

I've been trying to watch the news lately.I usually go to Fox News first, then, if necessary, check in on CNN and then, once in a great while, see what the whiners at MSNBC are up to.Like I said, I've been trying to get some news.
But just haven't managed to get any.
The three news organizations I mentioned have been showing pretty much non-stop coverage of some Parliament hearings in the UK regarding some unscrupulous actions on the part of news gatherers.Quite the uproar.Parliamentary hearings. Harrumph and Oh, My!!
The best that I can make out based on very brief viewing is that some folks employed in the business of “scooping” the competition used underhanded, ill-mannered, and possibly immoral and illegal tactics to get news stories published before their competitors managed to do the same.
Well, spit.Who would have thought that reporters would lie, cheat, and use awful tactics?
This isn't news.If you think it is, or if you're shocked and dismayed at the prospect, …

The Knave of Knives

Anyone who gets nutted up over the very mention of Wal Mart or Sam’s Club need read this entry no further.  I’m a fan.  On the other hand, if you just need a little therapy to get through the double glass doors and be greeted by a local senior citizen who otherwise wouldn't have a job, then read on.
Every time I find that I have need for a 55 gallon drum of mayo, or the handy 12 and a half pound pack of hot dogs, where do I go?  Sam’s Club, of course.  In Boardman, Ohio.  It's also where I buy gasoline most of the time.
The last few times that I've gone to Sam’s Club, though, there's been a droning amplified voice coming from somewhere between the produce and the beer.  I looked in it's direction in the past but elected to ignore what couldn’t possibly be true.  Last time in, I took a good hard look.  And here's the horror that I found:  A County Fair style pitch man with a head set and amplifier to enhance his voice selling knives.
I shit you not.
I couldn't b…

Maybelline, Or Was It Cover Girl?

I catch my Giants baseball games on mlb.com.  Pretty good deal for a displaced fan such as myself--if it weren't for the Internet, I'd have to keep up with the Giants by buying a newspaper--How 20th Century.

Sometimes I watch the games and sometimes I just listen to them by listening to the radio broadcast--I've always considered that baseball is more of a radio game than a television game anyhow.  My favorite baseball calls from the past are--of course--radio calls.  My favorite Giants broadcasters have been the radio crews too.   Not the current Giants TV crew isn't outstanding........

Between innings, regardless of whether it's the radio broadcast or the television version, mlb.com inserts their own commercials rather than the ones you'd hear or see were you on the home turf.  It's OK by me, except for this one thing.....They seem to have a great number of cosmetic ads.

Do they know something about their target audience that I don't?

Files

I’vegot this idea for a TV series—I tell ya’, it can’t miss—gonna be a smash.
A pair of undercover agents (Wolf Muldoon and “Drano” Skullduggery) are assigned to investigate the strange happenings in a South Sea island jungle.It’ll be called…..
…..Wait for it…..
The Manila Files

The Investigative Findings

Last year, Time Warner Cable started offering "on demand" programming--in other words, if I miss one of my MOST favorite shows (like Eureka, Haven, or Warehouse 13 on SyFy), I could go to the on demand channel and watch it later.  How cool is that?  But, it got better.  The commercials were bunched up in one or two commercial breaks, and they weren't very long.  So, I could fast-forward through the ads, or I could watch them--either way, I got to see my one hour program in about 40 or 45 minutes. 

Nirvana.

I actually chose to watch them on demand rather than when they were first run, just to conserve time.  Oh, and not get too irritated with the massive commercial breaks. 

Look.....I understand the concept of commercial TV.  I really do.  The programming is secondary, and only needs to be good enough to keep the audience in their chairs to watch the next batch of ads.  I really understand.  Not only that, I agree with the concept--it's a bargain struck between mysel…

All I Got

All I have today is a bunch of good baseball news, and here it is, point by point:
-The Giants continue to win, one way or the other, and remain in first place in their division
-The Indians continue to win, one way or the other, and remain in first place in their division
-The Pirates, bless their hearts, are tied for their division lead
-The Marlins are dead last in their division
-And, saving the best for last, Scott Cousins is still on the disabled list and is no longer on the Marlin's active roster.  Whatever it is that placed him on the DL, I hope it's painful and permanent.

Gee Whiz, Washington Style

Saw President Obama on the TeeVee last night threatening that social security checks might be delayed or withheld in August if he doesn't get the debt-ceiling raise deal that he wants.
Fargin’ cry baby, fear-mongering, over-educated ass-hole.
Man will I be glad when his days as president are done.
Ass Hole.

Burma Shave

These signs
We gladly
Dedicate
To men who've had
No date of late
Burma-Shave

Old Guys

The concept of these shortened seasons of TV programming started me thinking—always a dangerous proposition.
The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriett, I Love Lucy, Bonanza, The X-Files—These iconic TV series’ became American experiences because, well, they were popular, but more than that, they were ALWAYS on.They ran from September through June—then, during the summer months, there were re-runs of some of the episodes until the new season started the following September.
You could depend on Ozzie bumbling his way through his life in your living room a half hour every week.It was a given.He and his family became part of your life.
That just can't happen now, if a season of TV programming lasts only from July to September.
Do all old guys wish that things were like they used to be?

Politicians

I've never been much of a "question authority" sort, but that's probably changing now....As James Lileks said, dissent is still the highest form of patriotism, but now it will be practiced by the lowest form of people.

At the end of the movie "Animal House" we see John Belushi in a pirate costume, driving away in a stolen convertible with a kidnapped cheerleader and, as the scene freezes, the caption "Senator and Mrs. Bluto Blutarsky, Washington D.C." appears, and we all laughed and laughed.............And then there was Senator Al Franken of Minnesota.  Why am I not laughing?

Bad Law

Bad law results when tragic circumstances cause legislators and citizens to make knee-jerk changes in the law when feelings are still raw.

Megan Kanka was killed by a neighborhood sex offender in New Jersey. Tragic.  We now have "Megan's Law" everywhere, creating public sex registries.  Are our children safer in the aftermath of this law? Everything I read indicates otherwise.

Maggie's Law is a New Jersey statute passed in the wake of the 1997 traffic fatality of Maggie McDonnell due to a sleep-deprived driver.  Results?  It's now a 10 year felony to drive drowsy in New Jersey.

California's three strike law was passed in the panic filled days after Polly Klass's murder.  Another tragic crime. Is California safer from violent criminals now that prior to the passage of this ill-thought out law, or is California just incarcerating massive numbers of non-violent felons? Everything I've read indicates the latter.

In the aftermath of the recent tragedy in F…

Baseball All-Stars

Baseball All-Stars should never be chosen by popular ballot like they now are. They should be chosen by their peers and opposing coaches and managers. Want a single reason why?  OK, since you ask.

The San Francisco Giants won the World Series last year.  This year they're in first place in their division, and, oh by the way, are the defending World Series Champions.

They have zero starting position players on the All-Star Team.  Same as last year.

End this madness.  End the popular vote for starting All-Stars.

Television Drivel

I miss the best of some TV programs that either ran their natural course, or out-lived their cuteness.
For example:
That 70’s Show—Very fun and worthwhile until the Eric character left.After that, well….they just should have let it go.But it was really fun up until that point.
Happy Days.And it’s spawn, Joanie Loves Chachi.Ick.The only story line that wasn’t driven into the ground on Happy Days was having Fonzie learn the pan flute from Zamfir and regaling the rest of the cast with whatever it is that passes for pan flute music.Lastly, when Happy Days moved from the 50s to the 80s…….However, the first few years were a real hoot.
M.A.S.H.Great book, and a really funny movie.Good enough as a TV show until Trapper John went on to bigger and better things and was replaced by BJ Hunnicutt.That would be at about the same time that Alan Alda got a social conscience and went overboard with political awareness and anti-war sentiment, or something.Horrible.But, it was fun up until then…..
Bonanza.Th…

Burma Shave

Altho insured
Remember, kiddo
They don't pay you
They pay
Your widow
Burma-Shave

Dear MLB TV.............

I'm sure that there's some sort of contract that requires you to keep Mitch "Wild Thing" Williams on your network.  I was just thinking that there might be a clause in that contract that would allow you to rid yourselves (and me, by extension) of this guy due to moronic statements.

At least maybe you could require him to 1) Wear sunglasses so that we viewers won't have to actually look at those crazy eyes, and 2) Shave.

If you have a Spanish language affiliate, maybe you could assign him there. He won't speak Spanish, no one will be able to know what lunacy he's spouting and everybody wins.

Jim Young, N.Q.A.F.

The current South Florida murder case has finally resolved.For those who’ve been living under rocks, or in San Francisco, a jury of her peers has acquitted Casey Anthony.I didn’t pay much attention and don’t know much about the case, but like navels, everybody’s got an opinion, no?
Remembering all the while, that acquittal does not equal innocent.Our national media seems to think there’s an equals signs there, but they’re wrong.Just ask O.J.
Which brings me to a thought that crosses my mind with some frequency.There needs to be some changes in our criminal justice system.You know, make it fair for the folks as well as the crook.Ya’ know—just spreadin’ around some fairness.Nothing wrong with that, is there?
Here’s the proposal:No more of selecting criminal juries from a pool of licensed drivers and others too frail or incompetent to get out of jury duty.For civil juries, this method works fine, but not in criminal cases.Replace this moronic system with professional jury pools.Paid reasona…

The Greater Good

Jury selection has begun for the perjury trial of Roger Clemons for his alleged perjurous statements to some congressional panel.About use of steroids.
There is just so much wrong here.I can hardly choose a way to go.
How about this—What is congress doing imposing it’s will on baseball to begin with? 
Or—Since when should lying to a politician be criminal in the first place?
What about this—Shouldn’t the criminal justice system be used for some greater good?Describe for me the greater good gained by this prosecution.
Please.I want to believe in our system, but this is absurd.

Programming

SyFy is a television station.It used to be called SciFi, and the programming was substantially old SciFi, like the name said.It was great, I tell you.
Then they started filling up programming slots with Professional Wrestling and just plain awful original movies.And brother I mean awful. Rip-offs so blatant that it embarrassed me just to read the title.Names like Night of the Living Karaoke and Attack of the 50-Foot Yentl.
Next thing you know they started original programming.Some good, and some not.In the good column you get Eureka, in the bad you get all of those Ghost Hunter things.
Fine.
I’m still at a loss as to the reasons behind changing SciFi to SyFy as the brand name of the TV station—I imagine so the name of the station could be copyrighted, but that’s really just a guess.
So, now that we’re into July of 2011, SyFy is beginning new seasons of three of their originals that I really like—Eureka, Warehouse 13, and Haven.From what I’ve read, here’s some of what to expect: -In Eureka, …

Long May She Wave

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Big Words

On Sportscenter this morning, I saw Chipper Jones (of the Atlanta Braves) openly criticizing a home plate umpire for calling him out on a pitch that was clearly outside.  OK, I get it Chipper.  You was robbed.

However, this would be the same pitch that was called a strike by ALL the umpires in the early 90s in favor of the Braves, when thrown by the trio of Glavin/Maddux/Smoltz, carrying your Braves to the World Series.

In other words, Chipper, quit it.

It's disingenuous.

Tanking

If I live to be 200, I'll never figure out why Cutthroat Island tanked at the box office as badly as it did.

Never

Mock, Mock, Mock

Today the Independent Film Channel is mocking me by showing a moron-o-thon of Arrested Development.

Arrrrrrrgh.

Crazy Is As Crazy Does

-A bag of nuts
-A brick sort of a load
-Crazy as a bedbug
-5150
-Both oars are not in the water
-Nutty as a fruitcake
-Charlie Sheen

I forgive Charlie Sheen every nutty idea that flits across his mind.  Every bizarre idea he's ever had or will have.  His intoxicated sprees.  I forgive Charlie everything.

He's entertaining and funny and he makes me laugh.  That's his job.  So, I forgive him his excesses.  Even if you don't like Two and a Half Men, there's Men at Work and Terminal Velocity.

Keep after it Charlie.  We love you, man.

Bucket Stuff

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Television Shows That Didn’t Last Long Enough To Suit Me (In No Particular Order)

The X-Files Brimstone The Good Guys Tales Of The Gold Monkey Due South Space: Above And Beyond Police Story
Star Trek (The Original With The Only True Captain of The Enterprise-James T. Kirk)
Quantum Leap 
Arrested Development—ONLY KIDDING!!—It blew chunks.Terrible in a way that I just don’t have enough vocabulary for.