I Dreamed I Was Dog The Bounty Hunter In My Mullet Wig

Oh, For Christ's Sake--I Did Not

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Phonetic Alphabets

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I was an MP in the U.S. Army, and later a law enforcement officer for both the city of Santa Rosa, California, and the county of Sonoma, California. I retired from public service after over 30 years in the business. Turned out that I still needed to work, so I'm a security officer in private industry. I have a private investigator's license and have done some of that work, but I discovered, much to my dismay, that while I am really quite competent at the work, I'm a crappy businessman. I told you that so I could tell you this: Working in private security is either pretty nice or truly awful, depending almost entirely on whether the outfit you work for is headed up by a former law enforcement officer……….or not. I now work as a security officer for two really good private companies and a really nice community college. It wasn't always that way. I worked, ever so briefly, for two really miserable companies. One of them had rank amateurs as dispatcher
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Nizoral

My wife suffers from itchy scalp.   And flakieness—no, not that kind…..the kind that a good dandruff shampoo will cure.   So the doctor recommended Nizoral shampoo.   Thanks, Doc.   I’ll bop on down to the apothecary and pick a little bit of this stuff up.   But, when I arrived at the pharmacy, the place for Nizoral was empty.   There was a tag indicating where the product ought to be, but no product.   Sort of pricy for a dandruff shampoo (10 bucks or so for a small bottle), but, if it works, you know…….. So I asked a question of my local pharmacist—“Got any Nizoral in the back?” Nope.   Haven’t been able to get it delivered for weeks now.   So I went to another pharmacy.   Same Story.   And another.   And another. Came on home, and checked on line—I use drugstore.com, and checked there first—nope, out of stock.   Checked ebay.com, and there were some bottles of 4 and 7 ounces for sale for, oh, 25 or 35 bucks, plus shipping, and the added discomfort of buying a medicated product fr
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The Sam Elliott Mustache Page (EMEU)

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I've always been a fan of Sam Elliott (or, more properly, Samuel Pack Elliott, born 8-9-44 in Sacramento, California).  He and I have something in common, you see--we each have a mustache.  Sam's is the standard, though, so I have decided to use it as the One And Only Mustache Standard on earth, against which all other mustaches must be measured.  Sam's mustache is equal to one EMEU (Elliott Mustache Equivalency Unit).  These two photos will serve as the examples of what a single EMEU looks like: My mustache is worth 4/10ths of an EMEU.  That's a point 4 EMEU, if you prefer. Other celebrities have dandy mustaches.  Great mustaches, even, but not the standard.  It gets worse.  My opinion on this matter is final.  When I declare that Tom Selleck's mustache is a point 8 EMEU, that rating stays.  Burt Reynolds also comes in at a point 8 EMEU. Point 8.  Not a drop more.  Good mustaches and certainly heroes, but point 8 and no more. Not ev
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