Middle School

After completion of my studies at Windsor Union Elementary School (Union wasn't necessarily a bad idea back then), I attended Healdsburg Junior High School.  After that little endeavor, I went to Healdsburg High school.  Pretty simple and easy to understand.  Sometime between then and when my first daughter completed her studies at Wilson Elementary School, she attended Cook Middle School.  Cook was decidedly NOT a Junior High School.  It was a Middle School.  Nonsense like that happened all over in the 70's and 80's.  I'm pretty certain that there's a government Office of Renaming Institutions so as to Disguise Their Actual Purpose.  I'd like to work there.  Pay is probably pretty good and I'll just bet that have a dandy dental plan.

While some of the renaming has just gotten truly bizarre, some of it has regained sanity.  In the bizarre list I'll include The Department Of Human Services.  Which is, of course, the Welfare Department, but is cleverly disguised as a government employment agency.  No one will ever know the real purpose.  Some places call it the Department of Health and Human Services.  Government employment agency PLUS healthy living guidelines (don't strangle your kids, quit using crack cocaine, at least while you're pregnant.....that sort of thing, I imagine).

On the other side, I'll include changing the Field Services Division back to Patrol Division at the Police Department.  I'm not certain what exactly a "field service" was, and I'm pretty sure that I didn't want to find out, but if I need a Patrolman to deal with a miscreant, I now know where to call.

During that time frame, the Bureau of Narcotics and Dangerous Drugs (the BNDD), became the Drug Enforcement Agency (the DEA).  That change was neither good nor bad, just a change.  We continued to know what they did for a living.  Since everybody ELSE is changing their name, we want to too, so we'll be the DEA--easier to pronounce than BNDD, at the very least.

So, regarding Middle School, which has apparently stuck, I propose changing Elementary School to Start School, and High School as End School.  Or maybe Beginning School and Finish School.  OK?  Just a little help from your friendly folks at the Office of Renaming Institutions so as to Disguise Their Actual Purpose.  

I'd like to see Rain Forest revert to Jungle, if nobody minds.  I understand the concept of word-smithing, especially in this case--I mean after all, a jungle needs taming and draining, while a rain forest is in need of protecting, what with Robin Hood and Maid Marion being in the forest and all, you see.  A swamp is just a swamp until the EPA makes you call it a wetland with vernal pools. 

The jail becomes the detention center, the police department becomes the department of public safety. 

Turns out that Newspeak didn't happen as a result of Fascism after all, but rather by save-the-whales types and environmentalists. 


Popular posts from this blog

A Very Simple Request


Spring Training