Quotations That Might Just Mean Something--Maybe Not

My mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake
and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you
how to swim.'- Paula Poundstone

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills
than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh.-Conan O'Brien

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's
how dogs spend their lives."-Sue Murphy

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is
suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best
friends. If they're okay, then it's you.-Rita Mae Brown

Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent
image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it,
maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the
body before you do the wash.-Jerry Seinfeld

The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war.
Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever see that little Swiss Army
knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews.
Bottle openers. 'Come on, buddy, let's go. You get past me, the guy in back
of me, he's got a spoon. Back off. I've got the toe clippers right
here.'-Jerry Seinfeld
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish
burger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner.-Lynda


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