The Sam Elliott Mustache Page (EMEU)
I've always been a fan of Sam Elliott (or, more properly, Samuel Pack Elliott, born 8-9-44 in Sacramento, California). He and I have something in common, you see--we each have a mustache. Sam's is the standard, though, so I have decided to use it as the One And Only Mustache Standard on earth, against which all other mustaches must be measured. Sam's mustache is equal to one EMEU (Elliott Mustache Equivalency Unit). These two photos will serve as the examples of what a single EMEU looks like:
My mustache is worth 4/10ths of an EMEU. That's a point 4 EMEU, if you prefer.
Other celebrities have dandy mustaches. Great mustaches, even, but not the standard. It gets worse. My opinion on this matter is final. When I declare that Tom Selleck's mustache is a point 8 EMEU, that rating stays. Burt Reynolds also comes in at a point 8 EMEU.
Point 8. Not a drop more. Good mustaches and certainly heroes, but point 8 and no more.
Not everyone has an affection for the mustache. An "Artist" had a project outlining mustaches. Said Artist was a recipient of public monies to further his endeavors. I'd like to be subsidized only to the point of drawing a chalk line around....Oh, forget it. Here's the "artist's statement":
At one time, there was a web site devoted to this particular "artist's" project, but sadly, it has been removed from it's server. Pity.
I give you the trashy, perverted, negative, oh-point-three EMEU William Shakespeare:
The well-known pervert Yosemite Sam, at 1.25 EMEU:
This one's a test--Based solely on presence or absence of a mustache, pick the killer:
Fred Goldman has an oh-point-five mustache. At best. But he's not the killer.
From the old West, the 2.0 Wyatt Earp, 1.1 George Custer, and the 1.5 Bill Hickock:
From Professional Baseball, Al Hrabosky, the Mad Hungarian at 1.9 EMEU:
Richard Rountree, AKA Shaft, John Shaft. Mustache is no better than oh-point-eight, but he gets one full EMEU due to utter coolness:
Just like Jerry Springer, I have a "Final Thought" about the one and only Sam Elliott: I've been watching film of this guy for decades. With and without a mustache. He and his mustache just keep moseying along. He's immortal.