We have Time Warner Cable at home.  I know….I know.  But I have no complaints.  The service works well, and whenever I've had to call them, the people on the phone are nice, and if they have to come to the house to fix something, THOSE people are nice too. 

A little pricey, perhaps, but compared to the price of gasoline these days, Time Warner is a real bargain.  I have the whole shee-bang—cable TV, cable Internet, and digital phone service.  Like I said, compared to other stuff, a real bargain.

Which brings us to the topic.  I have dozens of “sports” networks.  ESPN, ESPN2, ESPN Ocho, FOX Sports, the Big Ten Network, Sports Time Ohio—and the list is endless. 

However, they all have non-sports programming that dominates their schedules (except, maybe Sports Time Ohio)—If anything is to be a sport, it must have certain elements.  You can pick your own definition, but here's what I require for ANYTHING to be a sport:  1) Offense, 2) Defense, and 3) An athletic component.  I just don't think that's too much to ask.

So, there you go.  Bowling—not a sport, no defense.  Bowling's an activity.  Don't even start with me about poker.  Just because you call it the “World Series” of something doesn't make it a sport—poker has offense and defense, but no athletic component—Clearly, poker is not a sport.  Badminton?  Now we're talking a sport.  Not a manly one, but at least it's a sport.

ESPN’s SportsCenter is rife with golf news—golf is an activity.  Why is this country so nuts about golf anyhow?  I've never understood that, and I never will.  The only golf I've ever participated in had Windmills and Dinosaurs on the course, and I took my kids with me.  Golf, like cocaine, seems to be one of God's ways of telling you that you have too much money.  

I've heard fans argue that NASCAR drivers exercise defense in their driving, and they might be right, but I don't see it (OK, I've never actually watched an entire NASCAR race, and am thus unqualified to be the arbiter).  I don't watch NASCAR because there's no suspense--The next thing the driver always does is turn left.  

The same rules apply to Olympic Events.  The hundred yard (no, I haven't yet converted to the metric system) dash is a speed contest, not a sport.  Archery could be made into a sport if the rules were changed just a little bit.  It could be called “Full Contact Archery”, and that would add the necessary “defense” component.


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